new start

been away to long

have been away to long but will be back next week ....is anyone out there?

so many weeks ago!

Its been so long. I feel, like stranger in my own world. What happened? Depression happened and this time I only have myself to blame. It may sound peculiar to blame one self on depression never the less warning signs. had been brewing for some time. The question is why did I ignore the signs. This is important. For a person who some professes to have an understanding of the illness this lapse in recognising the slow creep of the downward curve is pretty disastrous. But I'm back and hopefully this time I can keep to my deadlines.
Since the attack I haven't felt the inclination to journey out into the world,even though the purpose of this exercise is to explore walking with depression. Something powerful took over the will to explore,even though it could be argued that depression, by its very existence resembles a journey into an other place,another reality, the need to wander out into the night and sense world though the gaze and sensibility of depression was simply to much to bear.The suffering itself was its own experience.
How can the mind drive a person to edge of life? What mysteries force a person to want self destruction over living?

some other part of London

Before I start I have to apologise for my spelling mistakes. When depression hits me my mind goes all over the place and Dyslexia becomes a problem.
May be I should post some of my thoughts re Dyslexia and Depression, some other time maybe.
In the meantime I want to suggest the idea about walking into other spaces where walkers don't usually go. Walking is a human activity which appears strange to some people. The car is a second appendage to the body. When we walk we are only doing what nature meant us to do. We walk because we are built to walk.
Walking takes on many different aspects. Some people enjoy walking out into the wild places, some walk in city scape's, some walk across vast deserts and so forth. My attempt at walking with depression leads me into some untouched sites in the Metropolis.Places off the beaten track, but which never the less are home to thousands of people. A mixture of cultures and customs ( are the two inter linked)? Place which where once demeaned to "Suburbia" but have now developed into a vast mish mash of conflicting values and religions.Places walkers dont explore. i will start soon by exploring Edmonton Green in North London.

walking with moon

The clouds rush across the sky, this is good stuff because I cant feel the wind. Maybe something magical is taking place up in the heavens. The night landscape feels comfortable at the moment. I cant help wondering what people all those eons ago felt when thay saw the night. Their night would have been far more powerful than today's gaze. Then people would have seen the whole sky in all its wonderful depth and uniqueness. I feel sad tonite. A nervous,anxious sadness. How much is our world changing? We are living at the end of an epoch All around me people are enjoying the autumn colours of the the night world. Why cant I be part of this crowd? Tonight the present is not a good place to be. change is sometimes to powerful.

changing formations

One important fact concerning walking with depression, something which completely escaped my thinking, depression is exhausting. It drags the person down physically, emotionally and mentally. This really extreme state leaves its scare on the "gaze. The power of depression still mystifies me. A continuous onslaught on the joy. Nothing will be the same again. I'm not talking about self pity. Where memory becomes powerful is in its ability to haunt what in the past may have been, a simple expression of fun, suddenly turns into a raw expression of pain, and indeed sorrow. Memory and depression is a terrirtory I will exlplore again. Like walking, depression turns into so many adventures.