Its odd how emotions dictate the way we thing and cope with the external realities. For the past weeks my nerves have been shattered, tension and anger seem to be reaching some kind of fever pitch on my mind. Truth be told the outside world felt a threatening place to be in. My mind attempted to block out any sense of joy. The streets represented a state of mind. Walking became simply a function to arrive at a destination already preplanned. It wasn't meat to be like this.
The tensions inside my mind never ceased to stop,walking slowed down the inner battles, but not for long. Memories or rather 'emotional' attacks with memories attached battled their way in the that territory called the brain.
Last night I couldn't sleep, I've suffered this problem before when depression pushes me into to much sleep. What happens is the night takes the brain, and the brain responds with an endless reworking of dormant emotion's on which images are imprinted and the fragments of these imprints hover around in a menacing aura which then reproduces another round of imprints. Last night I felt the colour GRAY.It had a body. It developed a life. In the darkness Gray became another part of the interior landscape of terror and it felt real.