Tuesday, 21 September 2010

coming down very fast!!

I can feel the old horror making its return,depression will never give up.Like Iv said before "it knows how to wait".Its not worth the space trying to explain this sense of bewilderment,anxiety and tiredness. My eyes feel tired and painful I'm frightened of sleep because it wont be a sleep the mind will hang heavy in the dream scape of another reality. i was hoping to explore an idea which floats around and nags at my consciousness its a sort of personal challenge/almost an attack on the recent past. Nostalgia is the new radical ideology,the problem is people who use their life experience as the experience of reality are only indulging in a conservative return to a past lived in the narrow confines of nostalgic sentimentality.We look back on our recent past as if there really was going to be a social revolution,some people even believe there was a revolution.Well there was some kind of revolution it is called market forces.
People who where there at any given time look back on their experiences as if they were the most important experiences ever to grace the history of experiences.Nostalgia works on our sense of something lost holding out the possibility of a return to then.The "then" is that place logged in our minds which tell us that "then" can be regained.What happened in the past happen in our minds,our memories are us.But memory is contaminated,it plays games with what we were to all we are now.We may have been at some event in the past,but how we remember that event is about how "we want to remember"that event.My observation is different from your observation.The present is the site of painful reflection.The past is romanticised to keep at bay the power of nostalgic returns.It up to poets to explore the desires inherent in nostalgic reflections.the past is not a place of social change, unless real social change takes place.The sadness of our returns is they are instant and conservative. We are in the age of instant history without truth.my past was better than your past and my depression is darkening my mind the solitary prison is beckoning.....

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