Eyes down for a full house

Alphie (Alan) is coming late to the land of the blog given his topsy turvy and contradictory life. Anything is possible in the weird,upsetting and occasionally wonderful world of Alphie. Still, lets liven things up a bit.

For the past decade I have been keeping a very low profile, a kind of self-imposed prison sentence. This wasn't the best course of action because now it appears that I've written myself out of my own history. As this blog develops the reasons behind this bizarre pattern may become obvious.Then again, that might be wishful thinking. My career goes up, down, sideways, backwards, and down again with upturns into other areas I never dreamed I would enter. Age doesn't stop life and it doesn't hold back on dreams, ambitions and the permanent quest for creativity and originality. Now I'm making a comeback into the world of creativity, action and anger!!!!

Maybe that's all wrong. I should say I'm back on the outside kicking in. In many respects, I've never really been away. I've been on the fringes of weird times. Politics and culture have been reduce to cynical and hypercritical delusions. Life felt like it was one big party without end, a dream world of hedonistic illusions.

Well it looks like the party is over,and in the immortal words of millionaire Tories' "We are all in this together". Dream on baby! You don't speak for me and you don't speak for my friends and loved ones. This is going to be one hell of a hangover. Did we see the disaster coming? I think we did but the party lingered on and the sex and the highs felt right. Now it may not seem that cool. That's the problem with disasters, we expect other people to sort them out for us. Don't put your faith in other people when a massive disaster is lurking just on the horizon. We are like rats jumping off a sinking ship at the same time. It's everyone to themselves.

I've never been comfortable in the world. It's too cold, too greedy, too cruel, too full of lies and deceit. But who knows, a change of culture may be on the way. My whole life is a confrontation with something called normality.

A good part of my life (that part I remember) has been engaged with radical ideas, radical art, anything which disturbs the control of the managerial mindset of our delusional culture. We live in a society more in love with itself than at any other time in our brief history.We are an over-managed, little-minded kingdom. Now you begin to see why my career has been a wee bit difficult. Managers are nothing more than gatekeepers, but more on this another time.

I suffer from depression and spent a good part of my life in the bottle of Malt Whisky. I'm an alcoholic and the booze and the depression cost me a career in the cultural industries. Maybe a good thing, at least I kept some warped morality together and played about in academia for a while. Now that was one big mad trip! This might all sound a bit dull and a bit deep. It aint. People give me staying power. Those people close to me give me hope. These people have been about in the world. They still fight the struggle and still have radical sentiments. They are good people.

My profile changes, just like life. I love radical challenges. I love humour. Life? That's a problem. This is a journey without conclusion. I will experiment with the idea of seeing the world through the eyes of someone with depression and a life story to tell. Get set for a helter skelter ride to the edge and over the hedge. I still hold on to hope, that's the clue. In A Dark Time The Eye Begins To See. All aboard the night train... Alphie